Hey everyone, how's it going?
It's my first time ever writing a blog, so who knows if I'm doing this correctly, if not oh well I'll learn.
Let me start out by saying that I live a pretty decent life, I don't have money troubles, I have a job and I have a good family. However I am a very boring and serious person most of the time. I wasn't always this way, I used to be fun and outgoing, but as the years passed by I stopped finding humor in things that I used to laugh about all day this caused me to lose a few friends but oh well.
Recent things have caused me to think about some choices I've made in my life, I'm not happy with who I am and what I've done with my life, actually if you want to get technical I probably hate my life based on some of the decisions I've made. I have a bit of sadness in my life I've lost 6 people close to me in a span of 6-8 years, I try not to get emotional cause that's just the type of person I am, someone who bottles up everything until it reaches a breaking point then I just let loose. Sometimes I feel like bursting into tears, but the tears just won't come it's almost as if they've dried up and left me as a emotionless robot.
I was basically called pathetic today by my fellow co-workers, I'm 23 years old and I have a good reputation at work, I'm relied upon and know my job very well but whenever I talk to people about wanting to do something else in the factory, something more technical maybe something electronic based they bring up the topic of college. I went to college for 2 years and stopped going because I ran out of money, I hate student loans I never want to use one in my life, so for every semester of my schooling I paid it out of pocket. Now that I have a good amount of money in my bank account from working all those ridiculous hours I keep telling myself and others that I'm going to go back as soon as possible to be able to move around and do other jobs where I'll be able to use my brain more, however I'm a terrible procrastinator, mix that with being lazy and yeah you get the point. One of my co-workers went on to say that I'm doing nothing with my life, to him all I do is "Go home, play video games and do nothing, you don't workout or go to school basically your wasting your life." He's not wrong about that, but just saying it straight out like that made me feel like crap, it only made it worse that he said all that stuff infront of other people as well. To think I call him my "friend."
Before both my Great-Grandma and Grandpa died I promised them that I would finish my schooling, so when I start to think about them and how I am now, I wonder if I'm letting them down. I loved them a lot, we never were really close seeing as we live states apart, but when I saw them they were some of the best times of my life and just the thought of letting them down makes me sick to my stomach and makes me hate myself a bit more everyday.
I have no social life as well, all the people I thought were my friends have pretty much wrote me off for no apparant reason. Causing me to feel extremely empty on the inside and like less of a person. I know that you don't need friends to be happy, but just the way they just up and stopped talking to me and inviting me to places just was so sudden and saddening. Take this for example, it was Memorial Day weekend, I invited my friend and his Fiancee to this party my family was having and that night UFC was on, me and my friend love UFC so I figured he would be all for it. I get a text back from him saying this his Fiancee had to work until 8 P.M. and would get back to me about it later, 9 P.M. comes rolling around and I get a message from him saying "Hey we're not gonna be able to make it, we're both worn out from today." I figure oh well these things happen, well on Facebook around the time the fights start I see a status update from his Fiancee saying that they were both at Buffalo Wild Wings watching the fights together, when I had invited them to do just that a 5 hours ago, I haven't spoken to him since.
If I had to summarize my life at this point, I would probably call it empty. I need to remedy that, but it's tough without knowing where to go from here, one of my other co-workers said he'll invite me to the next get together he throws, I know he's being kind and thoughtful, but I take that as pity I know I shouldn't but that's my personality.
On a lighter note, I've seriously considered starting to play Yu-Gi-Oh! in RL again. I used to play in RL before but I had no one to play it with and there were no locals around me at that time, now that I have a good amount of cards and have a good understanding of the game and know where my locals are it's pretty much a sure thing that I'm gonna start going, maybe that'll make me a bit happier as well, it's worth a shot at least!!
On that note, what deck should I start out with? Should I buy boxes/packs or just buy singles of cards? Anything I should know about playing the game in RL that I wouldn't know right now?
Thanks for taking the time to read this, I know it's pretty depressing but I just needed to get this off my chest and just have somebody listen to me.
Edited by Newman, 17 April 2016 - 01:29 PM.