I've been in the dark lately, mainly because my computer took a gigantic dump on my front door, neatly packaged in a brown paper ba- wait a minute, since when could my computer produce human fecal material? Regardless, I'm finally getting both motherboards (I'll explain later) back next week. Now I can stop gouging my eyes out watching netflix all day.
As everyone knows, I've been battling cancer since June. I'm currently done with my 7th treatment with 5 more to go. As the schedule goes, it's a treatment every Thursday for 2 weeks at a time. I had my 7th last week Thursday, so my next is next week. Currently it's 8th->PET Scan->final four. It's been a roguh ride and this recent treatment ended up being the worse I've had so far. I shaved my head, since keeping it long wasn't working and I wake up with a crap ton of hair all over my pillows on top of pulling out clumps when I shower. Better this way. It's growing back, but not fast enough where it will cause any problems. By the time I'm finished with Chemotherapy, it should be back to normal. Well, near normal. It'll be thinner then I normally have it. Other side effects? Nausea, jaw pain, muscle problems in my hand, bladder pain, developing a hoarse cough, metallic taste in my mouth, can't sleep when I'm not affected by the chemo, fatigue. That's what I can notice so far. Oh, and my scalp is sensitive in a few spots. Mouth sores are there too, but they come and go. I tend to ignore it unless I can't eat, which then I just eat anyway and use biotene after. Went to the hospital today after coming down with a fever. Shit sucks. Still a little high, but not as high as it was earlier today. Was planning on working but of course, can't get what I want. I'm not getting radiation, just straight chemotherapy. Doc told me last treatment that if I were to finish with radiation that I could have a risk for heart disease later down the road, and since I'm still young, it's something that I don't want to deal with. The best option would be to finish with Chemo and have the risk of a cancer come back then to deal with it coming back on top of heart problems. All in all, I should be finished the week before Thanksgiving. Can't wait to get this port removed and return to a normal life.
Not much to write about. Seeing a pyschotherapist for my other problems (depression mainly). Ever since then I've managed to give less about the political world and more about trying to enjoy my own life. The only thing that I still need to tackle is relationship goals, but lately I've been seeing things in a different light and would rather not get involved. I was talking to someone on OKCupid a few weeks ago and I feel bad, not because I don't have any major interest, but because I suddenly stopped talking to her (because my computer died). My laptop is pretty crappy and I personally can't remember my login info, much less care about logging in. Probably thinks she scared me away. That's the thing though that I'm still trying to grasp. My dad held a fundraiser event for me, raised about ~$3500 to help pay for medical bills, and being there that day opened my eyes up. It helped me become more proactive in me needing to solve my problems. The major problem I have is openness to others and receiving it. When people whom I have no major emotional attachment too get "touchy feely," it makes me feel awkward, and I can't properly respond to it. In the end, I end up hurting their feelings by either doing nothing to recognize it or say I'm not that way. Some can understand but I have had others get angry at me for not recognizing and accepting that. This is something I'm trying to fix, but unfortunately my past is making it very difficult. I'm perfectly fine with people being nice to me, but when there is no major emotional bond with someone and they try to be close, I can't express anything outwordly. It's probably why I've had a failed relationship (semi-failed) and why I can't get together with someone. I'm not the hugging type if that makes any difference. I guess you could consider my cold, but honestly if you want to establish something like that, I need to open myself up and believe I can trust you. I've been hurt too many times, betrayed, backstabbed, etc to just open up to anyone. I'm not carefree. I'm not a party animal. Perhaps that's my downfall, but I consider it a strength because when I do come across that one person, then they will know how much I'd care about them and how much I can put my trust it them making it a faithful and everlasting bonding. Right now, though, relationships would just be a waste of time for me and the other person. I don't want to be babysat because I'm dealing with cancer and I need to get through this first and then focus on restructuring my life. Cancer->College->stable foothold->then worry about a relationship.
On the plus side I been getting active playing M:TG at one of the game shops near me. Good standing with the owner and is willing to give advice on how to run a good hobby store. That's my goal after college is to open a shop in town to people won't have to drive as far. Maybe even go beyond that and open up a nerd bar. If anyone here still plays M:TG and wants to play some games of commander on Cockatrice once I get my computer back up and running, hit me up. Oh yeah, my computer. Turned it on one day, nothing on my screen. Sat there trying to stay calm. Opened it up and started some trouble shooting. Found out the cpu wasn't dispersing heat. Got that replaced. Still nothing. Ok, let's get a new motherboard. Replaced that. Still nothing. Either this new one was DOA or my power supply killed it. Checked the voltages. All of them were under. Before sending the new MoBo in to make sure my PSU just didn't have enough juice to power it, bought a cheap 750W and tried it out. Still nothing. So I ended up RMA'ing both motherboards and the old power supply, which I'll be getting both mobos back next week (hopefully before chemo) and PSU... well who knows. I'll be happy just to have this damn thing running again. Spent nearly $300 trying to fix it, in buying new parts and shipping. I did have someone with expertise in fixing machines look at it to get a second opinion, said it was the power supply or the motherboard. I know it wasn't the PSU because it was new out of the box and he said the voltages were fine. Would of used a voltmeter of my own, but then one I bought was reading about 2/3 over what it should of said. You bet your ass I returned that POS. So yeah, remaining hopeful that I actually get a computer next week. Also, before I clean my drives out, is it worth upgrading to Windows 10?
I also been playing Puzzles and Dragons on my droid phone. If anyone plays, they should add me. Just started a few weeks ago, close to hitting rank 40.