Jump to content




Photo
* * * * * 2 votes 517 replies to this topic

WARNING: Very Fucking Graphic - Harpuia's Blog 4/26/15


  • Please log in to reply

#1 Harpuia Ancient One Justitia fortitudo mea est. 2480 posts 65.00 XCB

Harpuia
  • Gender:Male
  • Country:

Posted 09 February 2011 - 07:56 PM

2-9-11 4:50PM

What? No. No Harp. You're crazy. It's been almost 5 years since you did anything for this pitiful site, and yet you decide now, in the twilight of your adolescence, to give it one more shot.

Yeah, here we go. I used to have a blog on here. And then another\, and then another, but none really pulled through. So here's another. I'm basically just going to take 20 minutes of my time. Continuously rant on stuff, and you all can comment if you want. I don't give a shit. Thank Kenneh for this idea by the way. His public flogging for putting such an idea to my head begins tonight at 7.

I also plan to make this a collection of all my more controversial rants about stuff. I haven't really done anything to light any butts under people for a while now, and much of that is because I wanted to calm down, and live life a little. I had a lot of issues in my life that needed to be straightened out the last 3 years, especially with family and ex-friends. After months in counseling, a sickness, three trips to the hospital and a near death experience, it's all over now, and things are FINALLY back to normal.

-------------------------------
So I'll start with this. The XC Awards.

Like I said in another post, it's the bigger sham than Sarah Palin being President of the United States. It amounts to nothing more than winning a few pixels on someone's profile and last I checked, last year, the suckers didn't even get that.

So I guess Halibel did all those blow jobs for nothing. "Sucks" to be her. *rimshot*

I'm surprised we're seeing a lack of returns in the XC community. Best Returning Member seems like it's ripe for someone's taking. And no, Gate popping up every year to cast a ballot vote and disappearing does not count as a return. But at least the Most Controversial Member category will be somewhat competitive this year.

Kenneh bought my sofa for $500.

If you didn't get my vote for most likely to remain a virgin, congratulations! You have been on XC for less than six years!

These awards can kiss my ass. I should've known someone was going to have Kenneh do it again. So who gave Kenneh the green light this time? Darkie? Master? God forbid, Andrew? I thought you three were better than that.

----------------------------
Other random thoughts I don't want to put as status messages:

I could really go for some barbecue tonight. My Dickey's BBQ Loyalty card is almost full. I get a free BBQ sandwich tonight. I might go ahead and go. Yum.

I am a pro wrestling fan. After last Thursday's TNA Impact, I dunno if I want to be. That angle with Jeff Jarrett and Karen Angle was REALLY disturbing. I could do a whole rant just on that, but 2/3 of you will go "WTF are you talking about?"

Wait... why did Gate pop up again, just to post?

I make more money than you.

My advice to Kenneh on the XC awards is easy. Shut it down.

I laugh when someone calls themselves an oldie and has been on since '08. I had two screennames and have been here since '03.

Celsius, in case you're reading this, you're in my prayers.

And Gardevoir, forget the Raikou. I need your Aerodactyl now.


Edited by Harpuia, 26 April 2015 - 08:49 AM.

  • 0

#2 Eric Ancient One It cant be! The power level, unbelievable. 9816 posts 30.00 XCB

Eric
  • Gender:Male
  • Country:

Posted 09 February 2011 - 08:09 PM

*munches on Popcorn*
  • 0

#3 HG Wells Oldies aytch gee 2569 posts 5.00 XCB

HG Wells
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:a beach, SC
  • Country:

Posted 09 February 2011 - 08:18 PM

Yeah, that wrestling angle was really creepy.
  • 0

#4 DarkBlaze557 Retired Administrator :/ 12822 posts 100.00 XCB

DarkBlaze557
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Denver, CO
  • Country:

Posted 10 February 2011 - 11:07 AM

I actually voluntarily run them. :)

Nothing like stirring up a little drama once a year. :D
  • 0

#5 kakashipwnzor Oldies Apparently I'm XC's PsychicBrony. Go figure. 3752 posts 20.00 XCB

kakashipwnzor
  • Gender:Male
  • Country:

Posted 10 February 2011 - 07:41 PM

And this is why you are awesome in my book.
  • 0

#6 Harpuia Ancient One Justitia fortitudo mea est. 2480 posts 65.00 XCB

Harpuia
  • Gender:Male
  • Country:

Posted 10 February 2011 - 09:50 PM

6:32 PM 2/10/2011

Before I begin this post, I want to say:

Dear naturallyskilled,
I hope you enjoy your soon-coming ban. I will never know what it's like to be as gay as you, but I can only hope to inspire to become like such one of these days.

Signed, your neighborhood asshole,
Harpuia

Now, on to the post!

I got a weird nasty message from a girl on a dating site back in January 5th, 2011 that apparently had to do with me looking at her profile and never responding to her. To this girl, I was apparently shallow and passed on her despite a high match because she had a kid, and I was afraid of commitment... and I was shallow. Called me a chauvinist pig too.

Oi.

So I looked at her profile again. Sure enough she had a kid. She was once a party girl and still wants to party anyway. She's 19 years old, likes "stuff", is a high school dropout but is currently going to some massage therapy school to study to be a massage therapist. She also named her kid after the old ex-boyfriend, and wants a "nice guy who wants to take care of her" because she is "sick of the players in the dating scene".

While I say I am not very fond of dating an 19-year old with a 3-year old kid, if the other person had a lot of really good other qualities, I would definitely seem quite foolish to pass up on such a good catch. I mean after all, she made just one honest mistake, right?

Then I also notice she was unemployed (oh goodie), smoked (uhhhh...), drank "desperately" (Uhhhh....), and did drugs occassionally. (UHHHHHHHHHH....)

Well, I couldn't let this go unnoticed, so I wrote a reply. The following is (revised a bit as to protect names) the reply I sent to her. I swore quite a bit, so for fun, I'm going to replace my swear words with an XC member's name. Enjoy.

--------------------------------

Dear **** (and your name says a lot my dear),
I have noticed that you have in your profile called out people like me for not feeling sorry for your situation that you are 19, have a kid, are mountains in debt, and are tired of guys that are ruining your life. You give an example of your boyfriend who supposedly hurt you so bad that he left you all alone to take care of your child. I feel for you mon ami.

First off, are you even getting any child support for that baby? I know a guy who is having to pay $2,500/month alimony to a chick after SHE cheated on HIM. How can you NOT get child support for your kid? What kind of lawyer do you have? I hear those wonderful attornies over at Half Price Lawyers are very cheap and can handle any child support case that you may have for $500 down. Since you're spending high five-figures to go to an oversaturated massage therapy school that will land you a at best, $13/hr. job soon as you get out, and that's when the economy is GOOD, I'm sure $500 is not going to break or exceed your credit line any worse than it already has.

But the more I think about it, the more I think we might be reaching a misunderstanding. Maybe you are one of those rare cases where you were young, innocent, and naive and just suddenly wound up with a kid with the wrong guy. So I thought, being the sweet guy that I am, I would go through your profile again and see what kind of red flags you were giving to me that made me not want to respond to you. Who knows? It might be too late to catch my attention because I am already attempting to date a beautiful 25 year old cello teacher from Minnesota, but you might be able to trick... I mean catch the next meal t-... guy that comes along.

Ready? Here we go.

Exhibit A:
"My name is *** and i tend to get hurt alot. i also want you all to know my son is a package deal and if u want to love me u must also love my son."

Great, so you have a kid. You didn't have to mention that he came with the "package". If I am looking for a soulmate, I sure as hell am not looking for a [AEON]ing threesome. And if I were, a 2 year old isn't quite desirable for me.

No, no, I get what you're trying to say. You want someone who wants to look out for your kid, right? Commendable.

Exhibit B:
"I do not like cheaters or players. To me they are just fake and need to grow up and see what is in front of them. "

And yet you had a kid with one... okay.

Exhibit C:
"I am a single mother to a baby boy name *** after his dad. he doesnt want anything to do with my son because he wants to live his own life. its so hard to fine someone because all they want to do is have fun but they dont know that i can do that too."

Waah. Waah. Waah. Cry me a river. You know why I didn't ask you despite the high match? Simple. I do not want someone who is so irresponsible to have a kid keep whining about her kid and how nobody wants to take care of her. You are a mother long before most of us "nice guys" that you want even get the chance to taste our first real kiss. Your ex-boyfriend and who knows how many others have [SIYANOR]ed you how many times and we treat second base as the holy grail of nerdism. How is this fair to us? Oh, that doesn't matter, right? It's my fault that you had [SATANIC GOKU]ed that guy, had your kid, too much of a [ERIC] to get your child support, so I should feel guilty and pity date you for your troubles.

Exhibit D:
"I am going back to school at *** here in *** for massage thearpy its a 9 month course and I am so looking forward to finishing it."

A for-profit college, eh? How much does that cost? $30k? $40k a year? So now I have to not only deal with an anchor baby but someone who is anchored by Double-D Debt! To make matters worse, you are in an oversaturated field where no massage therapist can get a job these days if their lives depended on it (10% are working in the field within 2 years of graduation) unless of course you know how to rub someone's [KAKASHIPWNZOR].

I don't care HOW pretty you are. You can be the girl of my dreams in appearance. I'm still not dating you and using any of my money to put you out of debt or take care of your kid. Why? Not because I'm an asshole. But because it's NOT MY PROBLEM! Why should I pay for someone else's good time? Because I said I was nice? Sorry. I'm nice. I'm not retarded. And you sure as [ANDREW] are not getting at LEAST half my paycheck to clean up some other [MASTER]'s mistakes.

Exhibit E:
"My friends are my family because its hard to find someone to understand you like them and i have my family doesnt really understand me either."

My family didn't invite me to their Christmas dinner. I feel for you. /sarcasm

Exhibit F:
"I have been used and and everything else that you can think of. I want to write book about it and hope it goes well. i want to make a better life and maybe one day meet that someone (meal ticket) i can fall in love with and spend my life with."

I added the ()s and corrected what you really meant. You will be at least high-five figures in debt. You are taking care of a kid. Your [KENNEH] has been plowed through more times than Lindsay Lohan on a Friday night on Sunset Boulevard. You smoke. You are a high school dropout. You sound like a whiny [OMLETTE] who's trying to get one of the nice guys that you rejected back in high school (before you dropped out) to take this bait and provide for you while you sit at home eating Bon-bons all day.

I have named only a handful of reasons why I do not like you, why I have not messaged you, and why we hardly make a perfect match. Do you know what love is? Do you even give a shit? I would have my new girlfriend spell it out for you because she definitely knows a LOT more than you ever will despite your oh so superior experience at the tender age of 19.

I didn't sacrifice a social life, ten years of continuous studying to the point that my body simply gave out, and was forced to be an extension of my parents, while never having a friend in the world for support until just recently, just so you can hop along in the gravy train after your endless partying with other guys who's best job they'll ever have is flipping burgers at McDonald's. You made the bed. You slept in it, again, and again, and again, and again, and.... So live with it.

And next time you send me a message like that, PM, open, or otherwise, telling me that I am faking my nice guy image, you can expect [MYKEXERO] like this.

So to review, I am a nice guy. I am not retarded.

[GREN] off.

Toodles,


Checkmate, bitch.

And for note, it turns out I was wrong. The bill for the "college" she mentioned was $51,000 for the entire 9 month program!

Edited by Harpuia, 11 February 2011 - 10:56 PM.

  • 0

#7 Omlette Ancient One XC's Official Smiley Face 3200 posts 0.00 XCB

Omlette
  • Gender:Male
  • Country:

Posted 10 February 2011 - 10:24 PM

My eyeballs burn after reading that. Nicely done.

*Grabs some popcorn from Eric*
  • 0

#8 Harpuia Ancient One Justitia fortitudo mea est. 2480 posts 65.00 XCB

Harpuia
  • Gender:Male
  • Country:

Posted 10 February 2011 - 10:35 PM

I added you to a censored word I forgot to censor.

Because I love you.
  • 0

#9 Ritokure Oldies Friendships of people is the true magic 2502 posts 52.00 XCB

Ritokure
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:It's complicated.
  • Interests:Obscure, Japan-only Action Playstation games, MegaTen, card games and ponies
  • Country:

Posted 10 February 2011 - 10:41 PM

I lol'd deeply on swapping swears with XC names. Gotta love "rubbin' the Kakashipwnzor".
  • 0

#10 kakashipwnzor Oldies Apparently I'm XC's PsychicBrony. Go figure. 3752 posts 20.00 XCB

kakashipwnzor
  • Gender:Male
  • Country:

Posted 11 February 2011 - 07:07 AM

You sound like a whiny [OMLETTE]

---
I. freakin. loled.
  • 0

#11 Siyanor Oldies Supreme Master of Post 7830 posts 0.00 XCB

Siyanor
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:I wish not here
  • Interests:You don't need to know.
  • Country:

Posted 11 February 2011 - 09:46 PM

You missed another one, beginning of the line before Goku.
  • 0

#12 Sho Shinjo Oldies Cross Combination!! 5274 posts 5.00 XCB

Sho Shinjo
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Hyperdimension's Gamindustri
  • Interests:The Game.
  • Country:

Posted 14 February 2011 - 02:54 AM

Never talked to you Harpuia, but you're effin' awesome.

Rubbin' the Kakashipwnzor and whiny Omlette should be commonly-used phrases now.
  • 0

#13 Harpuia Ancient One Justitia fortitudo mea est. 2480 posts 65.00 XCB

Harpuia
  • Gender:Male
  • Country:

Posted 14 February 2011 - 04:30 AM

2/14/2011 1:20 AM

I can't sleep. I really should though. My girlfriend wants me to wake up tomorrow morning. It's Valentine's Day after all.

Random thoughts on Valentine's Day.

- This is my first Valentine's Day with an official girlfriend. And I still hate the holiday.

- TNA wrestler Robbie E. is never going to get laid.

- http://answers.yahoo...13092237AAtPDBR Neither are any of these losers.

- So who wants to see me pick on a troll again? I miss trolls. They're like garden gnomes, only cute and you can kick them and they make these weird flying noises that come out of their ass. I dunno, I'm just making stuff up now.

- I read Schrodinger's Rapist and gave it to my friend Allan. He has now created Schrodinger's Gamer. Since he believes that 1 out of every 5 people are gamers, he plans to ask everyone he meets from now on if they want to play Call of Duty 4 on his Xbox in hopes that one of them is a gamer that will.

- There was a pro wrestling PPV today if you haven't noticed. In that Pay-Per-View, there was a match where a guy was wagering custody of two kids against his wife's ex-husband giving away the bride during their wedding in three weeks. That's not a joke, that was real.

- Robbie E was in that PPV. TNA, what are you thinking?

- I went out on a midnight run to Walmart. It was 41 degrees. I was in my jammies. Just my jammies. And shoes.

- I was going to send my three closest friends giant teddy bears for Valentine's Day. Think they wouldn't mind that I found them in the Garden section next to fertilizer and weed whackers?

- A 50-year old guy was eyeing both the teddy bear and the weed whacker at the same time... O_O

- Because you know, when I think gardening, I think of four foot teddy bears and chocolates.

- And for the TNA fans, you can be like my friend Pat and hit on Cookie (from The Shore) all you want. The only thing hitting Robbie E is a school bus.

- And if you didn't get any of the pro wrestling jokes, you my friend, are on the first step to a normal, sane life.
  • 0

#14 TheLaughingMan-JDS Ancient One Chivalrous Shark 15255 posts 227.00 XCB

TheLaughingMan-JDS
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Middle of Somewhere
  • Country:

Posted 14 February 2011 - 10:39 AM

- And if you didn't get any of the pro wrestling jokes, you my friend, are on the first step to a normal, sane life.

Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Not that, anything but that! D:
  • 0

#15 Siyanor Oldies Supreme Master of Post 7830 posts 0.00 XCB

Siyanor
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:I wish not here
  • Interests:You don't need to know.
  • Country:

Posted 14 February 2011 - 11:36 AM

Aww. I liked being insane.

Also, what kind of "jammies" do you wear? Because I'm pretty sure they would refuse me service if I did that.
  • 0

#16 redeyeszack84 Ancient One Resident Gamer... ZERO! 8855 posts 6.00 XCB

redeyeszack84
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Boone, Iowa
  • Interests:Games, animation, comedy, and the supernatural.
  • Country:

Posted 14 February 2011 - 05:44 PM

I'm in worse shape... I only get WWE references... and really, worst Royal Rumble PPV EVER, and this was a Royal Rumble with the surprise entrants being Booker T AND Kevin Nash... and it STILL sucked out loud.

And going back a bit to the chick giving you attitude about not snatching up her up and being the golden ticket.

While, I "technically" got in on that (The wife had THREE kids before me and her got together, but SHE was the one who wanted to snatch ME up and be the one taking care of everything), I still gotta say, right on man. The chick has a kid and STILL hasn't figured out how life works.

1) Extra school is nice. But once a kid comes along, you've ran out of your options for nice things. Now you grab ANY job you can make a living off of, and keep it. You wanted more from life? Then shouldn't of cheaped out on the birth control.

2) Nice guy doesn't mean "Guy you'll sponge off of, then cheat on him, then run off with half his (DARK SPARTIN)." (had to try it once). She is obviously not looking for a nice guy, she's looking for an idiot. Should troll Craigslist, she'd have more success getting a 50-60 year old troll who would LOVE to go through that just to tap a 19 year old, no matter if she's been ridden more than the Ferry to Liberty Island.

3) Smokeing, Drinking, Drugs might not be an issue to everyone, but really, with the GIANT amount of baggage she's bringing along, a Job and a clean and sober route will likely be more appealing. I mean, if your trying to sell your car, do you leave all the trash and dirt around? No, you clean it up, make things look nice, and some people might just forget the hard mileage that got put on its short life.

4)Frankly, looks would of had NOTHING to do with that situation. I mean, I don't care IF a chick looks like God's perfect image of the female form, good looks can't compensate for a rotten interior.

So, all in all man, keep telling it like it is. Seriously should have your own radio show.

Edited by redeyeszack84, 14 February 2011 - 05:53 PM.

  • 0

#17 Sho Shinjo Oldies Cross Combination!! 5274 posts 5.00 XCB

Sho Shinjo
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Hyperdimension's Gamindustri
  • Interests:The Game.
  • Country:

Posted 14 February 2011 - 05:49 PM

- And if you didn't get any of the pro wrestling jokes, you my friend, are on the first step to a normal, sane life.

Wheeee?

Also, looking at Bear and weed whacker at the same time isn't that odd... Unless they were in opposite directions and he used one eye to observe each. Then I'd be scared.
  • 0

#18 Harpuia Ancient One Justitia fortitudo mea est. 2480 posts 65.00 XCB

Harpuia
  • Gender:Male
  • Country:

Posted 14 February 2011 - 08:37 PM

2/14/2011 5:28 PM

So first thing's first. When you reply to this blog post, I need an answer to a question. I plan on putting up a super-long blog post on my top 25 songs (up to this point in my life) I have ever heard. Fair warning, a good portion of these songs are country and pop music from Europe and Japan, and you will probably hardly find anything bubblegummy, or extremely "hard" songs (keep your mind out of the gutter). Tell me if you want me to post a blog up and I probably will sometime this week.

Now... onward.

I've decided to take time off spending time with my girl (as she is giving cello and violin lessons right now) to give you all words of wisdom that will always enhance your everyday lives. After all, the last thing we need is for this place to turn into another DuelistGroundz*.

* - I was told by Morrigan that the place has changed since I first made fun of it back in 2005/2006. Whatever. When I refer to DGz, I refer to its early days, thank you.

So I'm reading the General Discussion thread and I came across a thread talking about people scooping games in round 3 of a best-of-three (I think it's best-of-three) match in Yu-gi-oh tournaments because of some card from the Six Samurai. I'm going to say this right now, if you concede before the duel starts, you're a pussy. Why in my day we had Yata-Garasu, Raigeki, Harpie's Feather Duster, Delinquent Duo and Chaos Emperor Dragon - Envoy of the End, and we didn't concede if someone had all four in their hand before the duel started, no sir. We just sat there and took the 7000 to 0, three turn, one-sided, blow my hand away, ass-raping that was about to be ensued upon us like men... very hurt, broken, poor men who couldn't afford the same cards.

You kids today are sheltered, I swear.

If you like to complain so damn much about it, re-activate Kage-Style. Anyone? I thought so.

Anyone wonder what happened to Duel Masters? I bought an old Duel Masters game for the GBA at Gamestop today. The price tag came up $.09. I mean it. The owner didn't know how that came up since even the oldest games were 99 cents. But he gave it to me for $.10 (after tax) anyway because of what it rang up. So I got a shitty Duel Masters game and 15 cents off the quarter I found off the sidewalk yesterday.

The other freebie I had today was breakfast. Extra cheese on my Subway melt and 3 free cookies. I think the blonde chick behind the counter liked me or something. Better not tell the girl.

My friend Pat posted this on his facebook account 15 minutes ago:
"Ever notice how the more attractive/interesting/intelligent a girl is, the more unattractive/boring/stupid their boyfriend is? Don't question me, it's fucking SCIENCE."

So to everyone here at XeroCreative, just remember. There's hope for you yet. ;)

I need to make one more post tonight because I really need to get something off my chest. But i'll leave this up until right before I'm going to go to sleep. I gotta get up to make a 5:30 AM (yes 5:30 AM) starting work time.

Once again this is Harpuia telling you to help control the pet population. Please have your jocks spayed or neutered.
  • 0

#19 Sho Shinjo Oldies Cross Combination!! 5274 posts 5.00 XCB

Sho Shinjo
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Hyperdimension's Gamindustri
  • Interests:The Game.
  • Country:

Posted 15 February 2011 - 02:26 AM

People who played during the Chaos Era = people who know the value of not scooping. I approve.

I approve of super-long blog entry about music too. I'm curious, and I actually need some new stuff to listen to, so if something you consider good catches my attention I'll be able to get that change of sound I need.
  • 0

#20 kakashipwnzor Oldies Apparently I'm XC's PsychicBrony. Go figure. 3752 posts 20.00 XCB

kakashipwnzor
  • Gender:Male
  • Country:

Posted 15 February 2011 - 07:02 AM

Anyone wonder what happened to Duel Masters?

---

Dude, Duel Masters ended up dieing off around.... oh god I can't even remember the year. 2007? 2008? Somewhere in there. I used to play that crap all the time.

The last big thing in the game before it got canceled, never to be heard of again was multicolor creatures, much like Magic.

And "It's fucking SCIENCE" is about to become a daily saying for me.
  • 0




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users