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Year 10: Still Relatively Here Every Now and Then


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#1 ShadowDemon Retired Administrator Retired Administrator of XeroCreative 4944 posts 3.00 XCB

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Posted 18 November 2010 - 12:28 AM

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Today marks my account's 7 year anniversary. Gosh that's a long time, even if I haven't been here for all of it.

I've "accomplished" quite a bit here for those that remember it, and remember me. The amount of time I've spent here, while pathetic, will always have a special place in my heart. The thing that keeps me going, and coming back here so frequently is the fact that there are at least two people still here more pathetic than me (age wise). I don't mean that as an insult, and I love and respect you both dearly, Andrew and Darkie. :biggrin:

It's interesting to see how much XC has changed over the years, and looking back I can think of so many people no longer around that I miss dearly. Though there are a few people around these days who I've had the pleasure of meeting and interacting with also have become close. XC had its times of flourishing activity, and times where there was hardly any. I'm happy to say that more recently the overall activity of the site has been picking up no doubt courtesy of the new Administrators and new staff, and hope it continues to do so, making it just as great if not greater than it was in the past. The bar is set high, but if anyone can do it, these guys can.

When I came back last January, I had only planned on making it one of my frequent visits to see how everything was going, but the XC awards were going on so I decided to stick around for a bit for the outcome and for nostalgia's sake. Then one thing led to another and something else caught my attention, and I became interested in another little "project". It was perhaps the only thing that I felt was really "missing" in all of my time here that was keeping me from being truly content with everything. I'm happy to say it was realized and put into effect a few months ago, and now I get to sit back and watch it grow. :happy2:

Having done all I possibly could here, and knowing that XC is in good hands for the future, I can theoretically leave at any time and be content knowing I gave this place as much as I could. It's always cool dropping by when I can just for the sake of being here. Besides, as anyone with real experience here will tell you, XC is not an easy place to walk away from regardless of activity, and is even more difficult still to stay away.

This isn't a goodbye, just a reflection, and a day where I felt like getting some of my thoughts out. I'm sure I'll be around still for a while yet, and when I do leave I won't make a grand spectacle of it, it'll just happen. :smile:

For now though, I'm here to stay and enjoy the good company XC has to offer.

So for my anniversary, leave something fun for me to read right here, and if you can't think of anything more to write than one trivial little sentence, then I invite all who post here to come up with an acronym for my forum name! It can be funny, stupid, heartfelt, or all of the above, but for goodness sake give me something.

That's all for now, time for me to get to bed and get some rest. Until tomorrow then XC, goodnight, I love you dearly.

Love Always,

ShadowDemon
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#2 Gren Team XC That One Guy 5681 posts 146.00 XCB

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Posted 18 November 2010 - 01:03 AM

I remember when you were Admin. Those were the days.. that I wish to forget.


Why? Well I have matured alot from then->now. Even me reading me old posts I cringe at them.


Also, when you were admin, you never talked alot.
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#3 Celsius Oldies Century Gothic Abuser 3234 posts 0.00 XCB

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Posted 18 November 2010 - 01:05 AM

So...
He finally posts a blog?
Assuming its him, I'd say its
Done while intoxicated.
Or at least
With some sort of
Drink nearby.
Everyone loves him though...
Mainly me...
Only me...
Nevermind...


<3
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#4 Rayth Mistwalker Oldies Nothing is True. Everything is Permitted. 3199 posts 0.00 XCB

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Posted 18 November 2010 - 09:40 AM

Besides, as anyone with real experience here will tell you, XC is not an easy place to walk away from regardless of activity, and is even more difficult still to stay away.


I actually know exactly what you mean here. I've left XC a few times myself (sometimes due to internet crashes and others because place died) but i've always came back. longest i've stayed away that wasn't an internet problem was 7months and It's good to come back and see people I know and who remember me.
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#5 DarkBlaze557 Retired Administrator :/ 12822 posts 100.00 XCB

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Posted 18 November 2010 - 10:03 AM

Some only dream.
He who does more
Achieves.
Dreams are but ideas,
Only intangible creations.
With wisdom and will, however,
Dreams can coalesce,
Eternally forming something more, something tangible.
Manifestation at its best,
Only created by you.
Now where can I fit the word "bromance" in here?





Someone
Has
Abducted my
Duck!
Oh,
Whilst thou
Demolish
Every
Man, woman, and child
Over again,
Never to find my poultry?


Supersized Dong. Something Dangerous. Sensitive Douche. Small Dalmation. Sacked Dogs. Sporty Dyke. Smoldering Dairy. Sobbing Deeply.
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#6 ShadowDemon Retired Administrator Retired Administrator of XeroCreative 4944 posts 3.00 XCB

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Posted 18 November 2010 - 06:35 PM

Also, when you were admin, you never talked alot.



Sorry, I was busy banning people. :happy: (Don't laugh it was probably true... :blush:)

Oh, and you'll always be the same little scamp to me Gren. I'd give you a noogie if I could.


So...
He finally posts a blog?
Assuming its him, I'd say its
Done while intoxicated.
Or at least
With some sort of
Drink nearby.
Everyone loves him though...
Mainly me...
Only me...
Nevermind...


<3


Ahaha, I'm extremely impressed at how clean that reads all the way through. I knew I could count on you to make me smile Celsi, and you did not disappoint.

Some only dream.
He who does more
Achieves.
Dreams are but ideas,
Only intangible creations.
With wisdom and will, however,
Dreams can coalesce,
Eternally forming something more, something tangible.
Manifestation at its best,
Only created by you.
Now where can I fit the word "bromance" in here?





Someone
Has
Abducted my
Duck!
Oh,
Whilst thou
Demolish
Every
Man, woman, and child
Over again,
Never to find my poultry?


Supersized Dong. Something Dangerous. Sensitive Douche. Small Dalmation. Sacked Dogs. Sporty Dyke. Smoldering Dairy. Sobbing Deeply.


Lol, completely opposite of Celsi's, making no sense whatsoever but made me laugh all the same! The bottom ones were my favorite. :lol:

My last exam was today and my friends invited me out, so I'm TOTALLY going! Goodness it's been over a month since I've done what DB gave up, and what Celsi will get hooked on in a little over a month if I have anything to say about it. ;)

It's probably bad how excited I am for this...I'm like a kid on Christmas!

I just miss my friends though, I'm just going out to hang out. I'm not even going to drink. After all, DB has been such an inspiration to me that I've decided to follow in his footsteps. :wub:

Yeah fucking right.

Bye!
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#7 Gren Team XC That One Guy 5681 posts 146.00 XCB

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Posted 18 November 2010 - 08:56 PM

You should bust out the old SD attire for a week.
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#8 Celsius Oldies Century Gothic Abuser 3234 posts 0.00 XCB

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Posted 18 November 2010 - 09:04 PM

Sobriety Denied
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#9 ShadowDemon Retired Administrator Retired Administrator of XeroCreative 4944 posts 3.00 XCB

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Posted 19 November 2010 - 12:51 AM

You should bust out the old SD attire for a week.


Maybe some day.

Sobriety Denied


Nah not really, pretty fail night to be honest. I had a good time with my friends but only two beers for a slight buzz. My girl wasn't working tonight so I stuck with beer @ $3 a pop as opposed to the liquor @ 6, because usually I get comped when she's there and I only pay half the bill (I also drink a lot more when I drink liquor over beer). Plus, the rest of bartenders don't mix the drinks well so when she's not there I keep it simple and stick with the beer. $29 bill including appetizer, entrée and dessert (the latter I'm sure I'll regret in the morning) and tip included. Out of the two beers I was only charged for one either because she was nice of forgot about the first one entirely, and I think that was more the case since it was rung up on a separate tab before I ordered the food. Oh well, I'll take it. :)
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#10 Celsius Oldies Century Gothic Abuser 3234 posts 0.00 XCB

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Posted 19 November 2010 - 02:59 AM

Somewhat Disappointed?
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#11 Andrew Retired Administrator SSJ4 Poster 2148 posts 1.00 XCB

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Posted 19 November 2010 - 09:28 AM

<3
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#12 Siyanor Oldies Supreme Master of Post 7830 posts 0.00 XCB

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 11:05 PM

Something has attacked dear old William! Don't ever move over Nottingham!
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#13 ShadowDemon Retired Administrator Retired Administrator of XeroCreative 4944 posts 3.00 XCB

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Posted 22 November 2010 - 02:57 AM

Somewhat Disappointed?


Lately, Severely Disappointed. :(

By the way, I finally watched Pulp Fiction and save for a few parts (John Travolta with a mullet and Samuel L. Jackson with Jerry Curls was pretty funny to see) I wasn't all that impressed... but I didn't expect to be. I have a very dry sense of humor when it comes to watching movies, and I don't usually find things all that funny as they happen. :unsure:

<3


<3 <3

Something has attacked dear old William! Don't ever move over Nottingham!


You and DB need acronym classes from Celsi.


Anyway, this is going to be the worst week ever, as it always is when you work in retail.... ugh. I need a real job already. All things considered Thanksgiving is usually my favorite holiday, it's everything leading up to it and after that makes everything else miserable. I've been having this problem recently where over thinking things has been causing me to get upset or depressed and I can't seem to shake it. Adding to it the terrible news I've received recently made last week a pretty bad week for me too. The only thing good that came from it was the fact that I'm actually starting to stabilize my sleeping habits, something I've needed to do for a while now.

The few things I've been keeping busy with aside from sleeping include utilizing more of my retail benefits to get some cool things, like Heavy Rain and White Knight Chronicles for $10 each for PS3 which like the rest of my games probably won't be played for a long time but at $10 a shot why would I pass it up? I also got a free copy of Office Home & Business 2011 for my Mac. I'm not in a rush to upgrade since 2008 is just fine for me right now, but it's good to have just in case. Tomorrow after work I'll check to see if there are any cool Intel rewards.

I also activated a free Wraith of the Lich King trial to see if WoW would spark my interest again (which I slightly to moderately blame DB for since he brought up the topic in his blog) and then proceeded to purchase the digital copy with a Cataclysm preorder for a 15% discount. My free game time has since expired and I haven't purchased more yet. I probably will eventually, since I did kind of enjoy it more than I used to. Leveling wasn't nearly as excruciating as I remember it to be, and the leveling guide I found made it even easier. I leveled a Night Elf Priest from 1-31 in the 10 day trial, and probably could've gotten to 35 or 40 but I was preoccupied for a few days. Since I'm not going to play all the time I'll only purchase game time when I know I'll make the use of it. I absolutely hate wasting money, so right now, that's on hold.

As far as my PS3 goes, I'd like to gradually start playing as many of my games as possible, but that probably won't start happening until next week. As of right now I decided not to get COD Black Ops regardless of how much my friends like it. Most of them are losers with X Box anyway so I can't play with them, and I don't like the idea of the Cold War theme any more than I did WWII. For me, it's modern warfare or no warfare.

I also want to attempt to start working out again little by little so I can hopefully get back into it in full force by the New Year, and god willing, actually stick to it this time.

Even as I plan all this out though, I don't feel like any of it is going to change my mood any. It's been getting harder and harder to find things to occupy my time in ways that actually make me happy.

It's been a rough few weeks and I can definitely use some time to reflect on things and clear my head, so I have to figure out how I'm going to do that. It would probably do me some good. I need to get my priorities in line and figure out what my next step in life is going to be and I have to make time for that more than anything else. As much as I feel like I need and deserve some down time, I can't hide behind games and leisure activities for too long.
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#14 DarkBlaze557 Retired Administrator :/ 12822 posts 100.00 XCB

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Posted 22 November 2010 - 09:56 AM

You and DB need acronym classes from Celsi.


My shit was amazing.
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#15 Siyanor Oldies Supreme Master of Post 7830 posts 0.00 XCB

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Posted 22 November 2010 - 01:00 PM

It took me a year and a half to get to level 30... then again, I had 11 characters and all of them were at least level 8, and I didn't try to powerlevel.

Edited by Siyanor, 22 November 2010 - 01:01 PM.

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#16 ShadowDemon Retired Administrator Retired Administrator of XeroCreative 4944 posts 3.00 XCB

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Posted 08 December 2010 - 10:17 AM


You and DB need acronym classes from Celsi.


My shit was amazing.


You're right, actually. I didn't realize they were relatively coherent at the time because you're smarter than me.

It took me a year and a half to get to level 30... then again, I had 11 characters and all of them were at least level 8, and I didn't try to powerlevel.


Yeah, the first character I attempted to level is still sitting on my account at Level 62 I believe, A shaman I leveled to 60 pre-BC, which took me somewhere around 2 months. :( Things are working out better this time around.

------------------------------------


So! It's almost Christmas and I have no money to buy my family presents, though I will anyway because I've had enough to go out drinking twice this week. (More on that later) I feel a cold coming on too, which sucks. I'm caught up on the sleep I've lost for the past 6 months which has made me feel quite a bit better morale-wise. Though for the life of me I still cannot get rid of the unattractive blueish-purple bags under my eyes.

I've been working quite a bit and still have yet to find a real job, though I can't say I'm trying all that hard to look either... something I need to change very soon otherwise I'll never be happy.

WoW, that sucks.

I've been playing WoW for the last two weeks and go my Night Elf Priest to 65 by the time Cataclysm came out, not hitting my goal of 80. Now I have to decide if I want to get the priest to 80 first or level my Worgen warlock. I've never played a warlock before, but so far in all my open world PVP fights I lost every one, though I was only actually prepared for one and it was against a warrior, who slashed right through me. I can't stand stealthy attacks or being attacked when I'm fighting something because by the time I realize wtf is going on I'm half way dead. Also, Shadowmeld is fucking useless, it has yet to make me invisible at the right time to save me from dying...lol. So in short, I'm not very happy with how the Shadow Priest is turning out. The only thing I've done since Cataclysm came out (which was only yesterday after all) was create the Worgen. I lol'ed when I attempted to stay up until 3 to play a bit, falling asleep at 2:55, the last time I remember seeing on the clock.

And now, a halfway decent drinking story for once, and the true reason DB will read this.

Why you should never drink alone.

So I went out with a few friends this weekend to the usual bar after work, and this very attractive blonde was tending bar. I was upset my usual girl (and if it was up to me future wife, based solely on her drink making ability) wasn't there and I kind of felt like I was cheating, but I wanted to get drunk. I learned two things very quickly.

1. Do not judge someone's drink making ability by their appearance.

2. Just because you know what's in the drink, doesn't mean you know how to make it. Yes, pretty blonde bartender, I did want alcohol mixed with that soda.


It is very fortunate for both of us I'm sure that I did not inherit my father's obnoxious attitude.

Anyway moving on, thankfully I only had to endure this terrible service for one drink, if you could even call it that, because my favorite girl in the universe walked in and saved my life, not only taking the drink off the bill without me even asking (and to be honest I wouldn't have even asked because I didn't care) but she also proceeded to make all my drinks from that point on, and make them correctly. :wub: :wub: She made me feel better too when she said she didn't give a rat's ass about the other people at the bar, and was only going to serve me. Then my other friend came in who she also knows well and stuck to serving the two of us, and by the end of the night invited us to another bar where she would be working.

He couldn't go because he had to study, but I had nothing else to do having finished school, so I went to support the love of my life alone. Probably not the best idea since I was hammered and there wasn't anyone to watch out for me except for her. Thankfully the most annoying thing I did all night was not talk enough for her liking. On one of my many trips to the bathroom I seemed to have got it in my head that I lost $20 in cash, and swore up and down to myself. Turns out, I just cannot count money while I'm drunk and really had all the money I walked in with since I started a tab on my card. So 5 more drinks and 3 shots later, I was ready to call it a night and watched as she magically turned my $60 bill into a $30 bill. God I love her. If I was dumb enough to ever want children of my own, she would have to be the one to give birth to them.

Oh! The most interesting part of the night was that as I was leaving the very pretty blonde bartender from the previous bar had come in for drinks herself. I'm grateful I stuck to my usual guns of not buying girls drinks just because they're pretty as it's a wasted investment. On my way out I distinctly remember saying something to her, but for the life of me I cannot remember what. She responded, and I also cannot remember what the hell she said either...lmao. The good thing is, it wasn't anything stupid or perverse because she didn't look mad and I didn't get hit, and it leaves room for an interesting conversation the next time I see her. She won't be making my drinks anymore though.

So there you have it. Not the best story ever, and nothing compared to DB's stories but it could've been worse. Now excuse me while I take something for this hangover.

Edited by ShadowDemon, 08 December 2010 - 10:19 AM.

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#17 DarkBlaze557 Retired Administrator :/ 12822 posts 100.00 XCB

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Posted 08 December 2010 - 10:37 AM

Bahaha, my drunk stories are definitely a little crazier, but that's probably because I have some hyperactive tendencies when drunk and do some really stupid shit. I STILL have a friend that hasn't talked to me since my birthday. And I'm still not 100% sure why. All I know is I said some shit that she didn't like. I don't know any details about what it was that spewed from my drunk and overly-perverse mouth.

That awesome bartender-lady sounds like someone you should ask out for a drink off the clock. She quite obviously enjoys your company already and probably looks forward to seeing you when she comes in to work. ...and you say you're terrible at getting a lady's attention. Pfft.



As for the WoW stuff: I haven't touched it in a few days and haven't seen the cataclysm stuff yet (aside from what was patched in beforehand). I'll probably be going back and forth between getting my mage to 85 and fiddling around with alts. If you ever roll Horde, though, roll an Undead. They're revamped starting zone all the way through Hillsbrad is just amazing and hilarious. Add me on your friends list. blazing_dragon13[at]msn[dot]com. :D
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#18 ShadowDemon Retired Administrator Retired Administrator of XeroCreative 4944 posts 3.00 XCB

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Posted 09 January 2011 - 02:18 AM

That awesome bartender-lady sounds like someone you should ask out for a drink off the clock. She quite obviously enjoys your company already and probably looks forward to seeing you when she comes in to work. ...and you say you're terrible at getting a lady's attention. Pfft.


That would be cool if it were true, but I think it's more of the fact that I'm just a good tipper. All the same, I don't want to get romantically involved with her, mixing business and pleasure never turns out well from what I've heard. :unsure:


What I'm Sure Will Be A Tl;Dr Blog Novel Type Rant That Will Only Be Read By Two Types Of People: Those that actually give a shit, and those who read it out of boredom.

So I've not been in a right state of mind lately. I've been hurting a bit mentally an emotionally, and today as a whole was a pretty bad day that added to my anxiety. Before I get there however, I want to touch on the little things and get that out of the way. I also apologize in advance for some of the language, for those of you who have never seen curse words before.

1. I only made it to level 66 on WoW before my month sub time expired, and of course, it would expire as I was playing so that I'm not getting rested XP right now, and I'm not going to be ready to renew for a while. Fuck.

2. I managed to ruin the good sleeping habits I had at my last blog post in 2 days or less.

3. I played the DC Universe Online Beta for PS3 for the past month and only found it meh. Scale of 1-10 I'd give it about a 6. It crashed a lot as I played, most of the time causing me to have to do a hard reset on my PS3 each time, which I'm not happy about. It's lasted me 3 solid years so far and I don't want one game screwing it up. All the same I already have it preordered, and it comes out on Tuesday which I'm pretty excited about, though depending on how the first free month goes will determine how often I pay to play. As of right now there's no lifetime sub option for PS3 which is good, because I'm not comfortable enough with the game to pay that much in advance. (It's $200 for PC lifetime sub, which theoretically isn't bad as a whole, but with the way the game performed in beta they have quite a few kinks to work out before I make that kind of commitment if they ever DO offer lifetime sub for PS3.) So yeah, I'm on the fence but we'll see what happens Tuesday. If I don't get my preorder on time (I've been hearing horror stories) I'll be pissed.

4. I started re-watching my Smallville seasons, and I currently just finished The Myxlpitlyk (that was definitely spelled wrong) episode which I definitely liked, especially the end, but so far my favorite episode of the season (and one of my all time favorites of the series) has been Run, the intro of Bart Allen. They really don't have him in enough episodes, I hope they bring him back for another one before series end, and not the BS way they did in one of the more recent episodes. Also, I'll be very angry if they don't bring back Mike Rosenbaum for the end of the series. It won't feel right if they end it without him, I don't care how good the plot gets.

(Sorry if I bored the non-Smallville fans!)

Okay, now, onto how my world feels like it's been crashing down without trying to sound too emo and whatnot, wish me luck, I apologize in advance if I fail in my attempt.

Bar Woes

On the less depressing but still upsetting piece of news I received over the past month, my lovely bartender lady was fired from the bar across the street from where I work. I was upset to hear this, but the bar will be even more upset at the 75% reduction of money spend there from my pocket. I still go there occasionally with the work crew out of convenience, but now I only have a few beers as opposed to the massive amounts of hard liquor I used to consume. The change is obviously due to two factors: One being how none of the other bartenders make the drinks like she does, and she was the only one that did buybacks. Sorry, but I'm not drinking alcohol that is mixed like shit and paying top dollar for it to boot. Apparently, she was fired because she was working at another bar and even though she found coverage for her shift the manager was still an asshole about it.

I did like the other bar when I went there, though the downsides are that the food absolutely sucks (I often like to eat when I drink but I can always eat before hand) and It's a LOT further from my house or work than the local. That's the biggest drawback since I don't drive and I'm not a fan of public transportation, and I feel awkward asking friends and family for rides that far out too much. Last time I was there though, the bar actually screwed her out of her tip (my card was charged before tip was added according to my statement) but I'll make that right next time I see her, which I hope to make soon. The good thing is I talked to her before I got the statement before she got fired (she was off the clock but hung out with me for half an hour) saying that they were giving her shit, so I kept an eye on it and like I said, I'll make it right when I see her.

The Move?

I think I'm the only one in my family NOT upset about this, but we may be moving soon. The standard of living is too high here, and my father has been unemployed for a while, so if he doesn't get a job by the end of the month they have to seriously start looking. My younger sister is upset because she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend, who I doubt would leave his family to come with us even if he could financially, nor do I think she could stay for him, as they are both close with their families. She has been upset and rightfully so. It hurts that I can't do anything for her. As for me, I think it will be good for me to get a fresh start somewhere. It'll help give me motivation to turn my life around so-to-speak. I'm kind of looking forward to it, but if we end up staying we end up staying. I have very few close friends that I'd miss so I can deal either way. As to where we're moving to, I'm not sure, but I jokingly suggested Colorado consciously thinking in the back of my mind how quickly I'd be enjoying myself with someone who at that point would give up giving up drinking. I don't see that happening though because my family wants to move somewhere warm mostly year round, something Colorado is not. Personally I prefer the warm weather as well, but that may just be a worthwhile sacrifice for a sure thing of a great time. Alas though, it looks like the aforementioned person does not have to worry about being stalked out by an internet stalker. ;) As of right now there are talks of Florida, which I could live with as long as it's a nice area with young people so I'm not surrounded by a bunch of old people and can actually enjoy myself. I just hope, if we do end up there we stay away from my Dad's family that he has down there because they are not nice people and I don't want to have to deal with them. We'll see what happens.

Ugh, it's almost 2 am, I have work at 8 and still quite a bit more to say. This is where everything is going to start getting dark.

New Year, Same Pain

So New Years Eve I spent with my family, and got very drunk. (<3 Vodka + Peach Schnapps)

Unfortunately for me, I got too drunk. On the way home my little sister was in a bad mood and I took it too personally, thinking she just didn't care about me. I kept all this to myself, but started to cry which I was able to successfully mask in the darkness of the ride home. When I got to my room and was alone I went in the shower to cool off, but just started crying harder, apparently because of some downwards spiral where I was irrationally thinking how nobody actually cared about me and those that said they did were just pretending or only did so because they were obligated to. Thankfully I finally forced myself to sleep, and when I woke up the next morning I had a "WTF was wrong with me last night" moment which I attributed to my feeling of loneliness lately.

That is the first and hopefully only time in my life I where I blame alcohol for anything bad that happened to me. I've put a limit on how much I've been drinking since then and stopped altogether for at least a few weeks so I could get my head straight.

The Bad Day That Will Lead To Yet Another Sleepless Night

Fast forward to today, with that feeling of "loneliness" still in the far corners of my mind, a girl I knew in high school who I considered my best friend for the last two of those years came in to have something fixed today where I work. The problem is, after I graduated she didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore and I never knew why. I never really faulted her for it, I'm not one to force my company on anyone, drunk or otherwise, but I always wanted to know why. I tried to ask her once in the past but she avoided it entirely. If she really does hate me for some unknown reason, I don't see what the big deal is about just telling me truthfully why. I can't remember ever doing anything to her, and it's not like I was drunk and just don't remember, because I haven't seen her since I was 19, and I didn't start drinking until I was 21. There was never anything romantic between us or even the slight hint or talk of anything that could be conceived as such. We were just close friends.

Anyway, one of my friends helped her out, she saw me and said hi, I said hi back and that was it. I was in the middle of something and by the time I finished she was gone. I never had the time to say anything her, and at first I didn't care, but then I kept thinking about it and it started to bother me again. It doesn't bother me so much that we aren't as close as we were, hell it doesn't even bother me that we're not friends and it WOULDN'T bother me if she hated my guts. The only thing that bothers me about the whole thing is my lack of knowing what happened or why. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHY! I doubt I'll ever find out the truth and that right now hurts more than anything else...

Finally, I found out today that I am the absolute worst at keeping secrets. It's not something I can blame on alcohol or anything else, nor do I care to make excuses for myself. My very best friend told me something a while back he didn't want me to repeat to anyone, and someone asked me something directly relating to it today that I meant to dismiss without an answer, but before I could, I answered without thinking and gave away enough with a simple "yes" to allow the person to reach the conclusion he suspected. I'm absolutely sick to my stomach and disgusted that I now have to tell my best friend tomorrow that I betrayed him. I'm not looking forward to it but I'm not going to hide either. I at least owe it to him to be honest about what I did.

So that's it. I have nothing else to say for the time being but I've said enough for a while, probably too much at once. It really does make me feel a little bit better to get some of this shit out. Who knew blogs did serve a purpose? :blink:

I hope the next time I decide to write something I'm feeling better than I have been lately so I can leave all the bullshit at the door.

Edited by ShadowDemon, 09 January 2011 - 02:25 AM.

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#19 HG Wells Oldies aytch gee 2569 posts 5.00 XCB

HG Wells
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Posted 09 January 2011 - 02:44 AM

There's a third type - combination of both.

Don't really care about WoW and haven't even heard of the DC online. Man, ever since I got the Wii back in 08, I haven't given a shit about games at all.

Hell yeah Smallville! DEFINITELY AGREE 100000X ON ROSEY. I heard somewhere like a week ago that he was definitely back but I honestly can't remember for the life of me where. They need him.

I really don't think I have a favorite episode, but I did love the red kryptonite episodes. All of them iirc. Also Salvation(?) the season 9 finale was good.

I too like to eat when I drink. Makes it so much better.

I had one of those drunk rage/sad moments last year and am still paying for it. After a while you just have to put it behind you.

I don't want to speculate on what your friend's secret is, though mentally I have a few ideas. Sometimes thing just slip. It happens to everyone at one time or another.

To answer your White Collar question from my blog, yes I love White Collar. One of my best friends irl if very similar to mozzie in speech, height, attitude, dressing and glasses! And it comes back on the 18th fyi so you better be there. :P

Glad to see you still here and thanks for the good word!
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#20 DarkBlaze557 Retired Administrator :/ 12822 posts 100.00 XCB

DarkBlaze557
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Posted 09 January 2011 - 10:40 PM

Sorry to hear that you're having a rough time, old buddy. Things do get pretty lonely sometimes. During those first few months of living alone, I started to get the same way. It really began to bother me after some time and that downward spiral started to get to me. I got snappy with people, pushed my close friends away, and tried to drink away the inevitable oncoming depression. It was difficult, but good friends, you, and Celsi definitely helped me through that unknowingly. I couldn't imagine trying to get through that kind of thing alone.

If you ever need someone to talk to, i'll try to be online more often for you, man. I <3 you in a bromance kind of way and will help however I can.

And if you move to colorado, I am totally going to take you out on the town. There will be much booze, many stories, and likely passing out in random places. It will be fantastic.

If I may ask, where do you live currently? As far as I know, florida's standard of living is pretty high. I dunno. Research is muy bueno.

Hope things get better,

Kenny
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