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Episode 833: Reflection


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#1121 Yami Stomach Oldies Wut 9469 posts 691.00 XCB

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Posted 07 February 2015 - 02:36 PM

As long as nothing is seriously wrong, we welcome a little "I'm not dead" every once in a while

 

good to hear from ya


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#1122 DarkBlaze557 Retired Administrator :/ 12822 posts 100.00 XCB

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Posted 24 February 2015 - 06:55 PM

Episode Eight Hundred Thirty Three

Reflection

 

 

 

I find myself thinking about this place a lot. There have been so many people I've met, friends I've made, memories that I enjoy. There have been a lot of people that have come through this site that have touched me in some way or another: made me into a better person. I grew up here. 

 

As I reminisce about this place in my head, I find myself going back through old threads and reading things; laughing about distant memories and remembering people that are gone. But going through these threads, I read what I posted back then, and the first thing that comes to mind is: HOLY BALLS WHAT WAS I THINKING? 

 

I wish I knew what this was called: going back and reading things that you've written in the past with a different thought process, a different maturity, and being embarrassed, frankly. I first joined this place when I was fifteen years old. I grew up a pretty sheltered child, being from a pretty small town and coming from a humble family. My family never traveled anywhere, and the Internet wasn't a thing for me until I was thirteen. I'm a lot like most of you here: introverted, mostly. Actually, I qualify as an ambivert, but close enough. Being a pretty isolated person most of the time left me unaware of so many things about the world and left me socially awkward. I made up for that in being overly confident and self-shaming for humor's sake. I always knew that much about myself, but coming back on here and re-reading it all really shoved that back in my face. And holy crap was that embarrassing for me.

 

It's nice to see just how far I've grown as a person, though. Reflecting back on major turning points in my life and seeing how that changed how I interacted with people back then is super interesting to me. But the most amazing thing to realize is just how much I've grown more recently. Sure, I can read a post from 10 years ago and be like, "Fuck me I was an idiot back then." But it's different when you read a post from 2 years ago and think the same thing. Because at my age, 2 years isn't very much time at all. I've been working at this University for 2 years and it feels like I started yesterday. So when making that comparison, I think the same thing when I read posts from 2 years ago. "That was just yesterday. Fuck me I was an idiot."

 

Going back and reminiscing because you miss people is great, I love doing it. But going back and re-reading things I've done for some self-reflection is new to me, and it's a little strange. I can actually go back and analyze every little thing that affected me at any specific time, how much I've learned and grown since then, how naive I used to be. Seeing how every interaction and event changed you and looking at it almost in real-time is baffling.

 

I guess what I'm trying to get at is maybe 2 years is a longer time than it feels like. Any span of time can change a person so long as events occurred that allowed them to grow. And self reflection can always be turned into a positive in a quick amount of time, so long as you make it so.

 

Also, I miss a lot of people from here and wish they were still a part of my life. Breaks my heart that some of them are gone. No shout-outs. :)


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#1123 DarkBlaze557 Retired Administrator :/ 12822 posts 100.00 XCB

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Posted 24 February 2015 - 08:51 PM

Unrelated double post:
I plan on bringing back the whiteboard.


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#1124 Yami Stomach Oldies Wut 9469 posts 691.00 XCB

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Posted 25 February 2015 - 03:49 PM

awww yeah the whiteboard

 

also you should totally do another video of yourself as a T-rex


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#1125 DarkBlaze557 Retired Administrator :/ 12822 posts 100.00 XCB

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Posted 25 February 2015 - 05:24 PM

awww yeah the whiteboard

 

also you should totally do another video of yourself as a T-rex

 

"Another" video? I'm not sure how this works, nor do I recall doing something like that. Would I be acting like a T-Rex? Or dressing like one? Or drawing myself as one? I'm confused.

 

Anybody that says all of the above gets punched in the doodle.


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#1126 Yami Stomach Oldies Wut 9469 posts 691.00 XCB

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Posted 25 February 2015 - 06:10 PM

that one video you made where you screwed around with some kind of effects shit or someting, i think it was called I'M A FUCKING T REX.

 

or something of that nature


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#1127 DarkBlaze557 Retired Administrator :/ 12822 posts 100.00 XCB

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Posted 25 February 2015 - 06:12 PM

that one video you made where you screwed around with some kind of effects shit or someting, i think it was called I'M A FUCKING T REX.

 

or something of that nature

 

Ohhhhhhh. Man I completely forgot that. Yeah, it was my webcam software. It's been so long since I've done this, obviously.


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#1128 L o t u s Oldies Bitch I Might Be 1735 posts 188.00 XCB

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Posted 28 February 2015 - 07:25 PM

Ugh... why not a blackboard?  Racist.


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#1129 ShadowDemon Retired Administrator Retired Administrator of XeroCreative 4944 posts 3.00 XCB

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Posted 18 September 2015 - 12:12 PM

Oh man, I'm somewhat confident you'll see this eventually. My condolences on the loss of your father and great-grandmother. I'm glad you were able to find closure with everything in that area, and that it brought you closer to your family for the better afterwards.

 

Sorry that particular relationship didn't work out but it sounds like it was all for the better the way things were kind of being hidden and such. I'm sure you're far passed it at this point, so it's probably moot, but still.

 

I hope the career and work stuff is as good as ever and that you're continuing to be healthy and take care of yourself. There's no shame in coming into dark times, whether it's situations in your life that you're dealing with or even self-realization on your own attitude or personality that you're not happy with and at the time, wanted to improve like you said. It's all leading towards what makes you happy in the end, and you've always been a good, genuine, strong dude and I am more than 100% confident you have and will get through and obstacles put in your way. I always felt we were similar in that regard. We may stumble, we may fall, but we'll always get back up... eventually.  

 

Least important of all in relation to everything else you talked about, the XC stuff. I think it's unrealistic to shoulder the entire burden of what might be considered a failure in running this place. Maybe you'd know better as to how much more you could have put into it, but don't discount the fact that you still did a lot yourself, that by virtue of some others you could have done a lot less, and because as you mentioned with the council system it is fairly hard to not only come to an agreement (not even necessarily unanimously) just to get things rolling to begin with. It's not all on you, man. I won't say you were perfect. I realistically wouldn't know. I saw what you've done and what you've tried to do at times, even going so far as to pay some bills to "keep the lights on" is a lot more than many others would do. You did a lot with what you had to work with, maybe even more than you realize. it's just more than one man can do especially when working with a group of others and trying to keep everyone on the same page. Not only would I not go so far as to say you're the reason this place failed, but I'll flip the script on you and say you kept this place going far longer than it would have on it's own. Maybe it wasn't a complete revival and this place may just be beyond that at this point, but you kept it in shape enough for the people who did still come to enjoy it, and I'd call that in itself successful. :)

 

Finally, and most importantly, I'm sorry I dropped off the face of the Earth. It was never a plan or intention, one thing just kind of led to another and it ended up being the case. One day maybe soon I'll post some updates, but just know I'm doing well, a lot better than I have in a very long time and I hope you are too. I haven't spoken to you in a long while and over the past few years I'd find myself poking around and checking things out but never long enough to type out anything meaningful. Still, this place and a lot of the people in it including you have had such a positive impact on my childhood, young adult-hood, and life in general that I not only will never forget but still to this day constantly reflect on and think about from time to time. I never meant to break your (or anyone else that I was close enough with) heart and I'll never make excuses for it. I hope you know that in spite of the fact that we have not talked over the last few years, and even not knowing when we will again, I love you like a brother, and I always will. :)


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#1130 DarkBlaze557 Retired Administrator :/ 12822 posts 100.00 XCB

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Posted 24 September 2015 - 08:21 PM

<3


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#1131 L o t u s Oldies Bitch I Might Be 1735 posts 188.00 XCB

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Posted 27 September 2015 - 10:12 PM

depressing.jpg


Edited by Negative Nancy, 27 September 2015 - 10:13 PM.

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#1132 Chiy0 Members Just Starting 10 posts 4.00 XCB

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Posted 14 June 2016 - 12:27 AM

Honey, Chiyo's home!!! <3


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