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-Beyond Wonderland. [Do What Scares You..]


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#21 Wylde Ancient One Supertramp 4061 posts 9.00 XCB

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 05:55 AM

Last entry Nov.? Wow..time does go by fast.


Another Stepping Stone

These past few months have been, once again, a series of ups and downs. Found myself at one point dead broke and in debt. Car was towed away because of snow while I was away working for some time. Got back and had far too much money to stand so I gave it away and here I am again back to being more or less penniless. I enjoy the simple life and as the great man bob Dylan once said, "What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.". Went to Tuscon, Arizona for two weeks and enjoyed the weather there, I have a feeling I'll be revisiting there very soon. Watching a sunset and sunrise in the desert is an event I can cross off my bucket list...Next week I'm off to Seattle, Washington for more exploring..I can't wait to go up into Mount Rainier for some time...All to continue my attempt of living a life of complete reckless abandon of the social norm... =] It's a very liberating thing...

There's a quick update of what's sort of going on in the life of me. Been awhile since I last visited..seems like a lot is going on now. So what did I miss?




Oh, and..

Enjoy the nightmares, proves life isn't too bad after all. x]
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#22 Celsius Oldies Century Gothic Abuser 3234 posts 0.00 XCB

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 10:33 AM

So what did I miss?


You missed my death, apparently... (don't worry, I missed it too)

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#23 ShadowDemon Retired Administrator Retired Administrator of XeroCreative 4944 posts 3.00 XCB

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 01:05 PM

I don't know about what you missed, but I missed you! :)

Sorry you were'are going through such rough times, but I'm glad you seem to be okay for the most part.
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#24 DarkBlaze557 Retired Administrator :/ 12822 posts 100.00 XCB

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 01:07 PM

Enjoy the nightmares, proves life isn't too bad after all. x]


Wow, that kinda hits home for me this week. I've been having a lot of those lately. I <3 you!


If I may ask, what did you donate your money to?
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#25 Celsius Oldies Century Gothic Abuser 3234 posts 0.00 XCB

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 01:12 PM

Do you have aim, Klowny?
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#26 Divinegon Oldies Imaginary Portuguese Nazi Zombie Robot Ninja etc. 479 posts 0.00 XCB

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 03:00 PM

Watching a sunset and sunrise in the desert is an event I can cross off my bucket list.


*Adds watching a sunset and sunrine in the desert of events he'd like to live*

All I need is to find a desert. I'm sure I can find some under a rock.
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#27 Wylde Ancient One Supertramp 4061 posts 9.00 XCB

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 06:23 PM

@Cels Your death? Haha that seems somewhat odd..And I do have aim, xXBlindSightedXx , though it is from a very long time ago. I get on every so often to chit chat with all the old friends from XC. Feel free to add me.

@SD Rough times make us learn. I'm glad to go through it and know that in the end everything will be ok. Thanks for the support!

@DB I donated it to a couple different organizations. One of them builds schools and helps bring clothing down to kids in Panama. A good friend of mine has been active down there for some time so I thought that would be a good choice. Also I gave money to MyCharityWater.org it's a good site and you can start your own campaign, get friends and family to join in, it's a great cause. Other then that it went to the homeless shelter here in Sioux Falls, I've always had a few ties with them after working there when I was younger.
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#28 Celsius Oldies Century Gothic Abuser 3234 posts 0.00 XCB

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 06:25 PM

Added. Also, yes... it was rather odd.
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#29 Wylde Ancient One Supertramp 4061 posts 9.00 XCB

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Posted 16 March 2011 - 05:09 PM

Another World

As some of you may know I took a small trip out to Washington this past Wednesday. Drove down to Omaha and caught a flight to Chicago. After sitting there for a long time as my flight kept being delayed we finally boarded and headed toward Seattle. While in the air at 39,000 ft. I had the chance to witness the Northern Lights. It had to be one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed in my entire life..it's another thing everyone should get the chance to see, especially so high up in the air. I just st there staring out the window toward the lights for what seemed like eternity...wish I could have had some pictures to show...

Once we landed it was about 1130ish and then we had to drive from SeaTac to the other side of the mountains. I was tired but I decided to stay awake watching us drive through the mountains which once again is another beauty to behold. It did bring a sense of longing to return back to the area for a more extended stay but we'll just have to see how that turns out. I finally arrived at my grandparents house at around 430 in the morning and quickly fell asleep to be suddenly woken up by family relatives at 7am..

The entire reunion was amazing as I got to learn quite a bit about my family history dating from them coming over to America and expanding the west. Not to mention since most of my family has a lot of Irish blood in them we were drinking from noon till 3am all of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I had the opportunity to meet cousins, uncles, and aunts I haven't ever met or haven't seen in over 12 years. All in good fun we had about 30 relatives ending up drunk and passing out on the floors and couches at my grandparents house.

Monday just a few of us traveled around taking tours of wineries and tasting various wines only to end up being drunk by the end of them all and deciding to just finish the day off at the bar. I gotta admit, my family is horrible for my health but I do love being with them. x]

Tuesday I flew back to St. Louis and then back into Omaha and drove back up to Sioux Falls. I'm gonna make an attempt to go out to Colorado to meet a cousin, to Baltimore for a cousin, his son, and my aunt, and out to Michigan when another cousin who races professional hydroplanes has a race out there.

Oh, and I know you all missed me those few days. xP
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#30 Sho Shinjo Oldies Cross Combination!! 5274 posts 5.00 XCB

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Posted 16 March 2011 - 05:13 PM

inb4 Daniel travels over all the US in a week.

Also, nice, Northern Lights. I want to see that. Glad you enjoyed your trip dude D:
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#31 Divinegon Oldies Imaginary Portuguese Nazi Zombie Robot Ninja etc. 479 posts 0.00 XCB

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Posted 16 March 2011 - 05:16 PM

Massive alcohol comas, yay!

Also, adding seeing the Northern Lights to my list as well. One that I missed by bad luck once.

I wonder how the Northern Lights look when you're already drunk or high.
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#32 Celsius Oldies Century Gothic Abuser 3234 posts 0.00 XCB

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Posted 16 March 2011 - 06:25 PM

Go see DB in Colorado, then come to Baltimore and see me.
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#33 DarkBlaze557 Retired Administrator :/ 12822 posts 100.00 XCB

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Posted 16 March 2011 - 06:31 PM

Go see DB in Colorado, then come to Baltimore and see me.


This.
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#34 Wylde Ancient One Supertramp 4061 posts 9.00 XCB

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Posted 16 March 2011 - 07:22 PM


Go see DB in Colorado, then come to Baltimore and see me.


This.



Bars! Clubs! Drinks! Oh My!



Yes I like these ideas.
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#35 ShadowDemon Retired Administrator Retired Administrator of XeroCreative 4944 posts 3.00 XCB

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Posted 17 March 2011 - 04:57 PM



Go see DB in Colorado, then come to Baltimore and see me.


This.



Bars! Clubs! Drinks! Oh My!



Yes I like these ideas.


Don't you dare, I will feel so left out. :(
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#36 Celsius Oldies Century Gothic Abuser 3234 posts 0.00 XCB

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Posted 17 March 2011 - 05:23 PM




Go see DB in Colorado, then come to Baltimore and see me.


This.



Bars! Clubs! Drinks! Oh My!



Yes I like these ideas.


Don't you dare, I will feel so left out. :(


Damn... I was hoping you were too slow to notice this conversation before it happened. >_> <3

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#37 ShadowDemon Retired Administrator Retired Administrator of XeroCreative 4944 posts 3.00 XCB

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Posted 17 March 2011 - 06:17 PM





Go see DB in Colorado, then come to Baltimore and see me.


This.



Bars! Clubs! Drinks! Oh My!



Yes I like these ideas.


Don't you dare, I will feel so left out. :(


Damn... I was hoping you were too slow to notice this conversation before it happened. >_> <3


:angry2:

:(
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#38 Wylde Ancient One Supertramp 4061 posts 9.00 XCB

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Posted 25 March 2011 - 11:16 PM

The Birth of Daniel R. Wylde



As I sit here during a cold march eve, alone--out of sight from the world, it comes with a surprise the ease it is to run away. I find myself searching for doors to escape the room I'm in. Well on the beaten path I've fallen from grace--twisted and bent soul, ideals that can be only imagination, a heart that wanders and yet always wonders...what if. When I was young my father taught me how to run, my mother taught me how to blame, my brothers taught me how to hate, my grandparents taught me how to turn a blind eye, she taught me how to build a barrier, and they taught me how to never love--thus I came to birth into turmoil.

Destined to live by the sins of my father, absorb the grief of my mother. It becomes a hard thing to deal with, even as a child, to listen to your father tell you to not give up trying to ride a bicycle after he had given up on his own life. No mater how young you are, these simple moments burn into your mind the rest of your life. Small snapshots framed inside of you like the day you saw mommy and daddy fighting over money in the living room as you looked on at the age of five from the stairs. Much like the day you were dropped off at your old house to see your father sitting cross-legged in a bare living room after just coming home from war, crying uncontrollably because the woman he thought he loved ran off with another man while he was serving his country. Even the day you stood face to face with him, only inches separating and the smell of booze pouring out of his mouth into your nostrils. The intense feeling staring eye to eye as a fist comes out of nowhere to put you onto your knees gasping for breath. These moments echo inside you over and over again playing inside you like a home movie reel to remind you of who you are and where you came from.

I saw her two weeks every other year my entire life--some woman who I was told to call mom. Fly on a plane at the age of six and on alone with strangers across a country just to find on the other side was another stranger waiting for me. I've never known a mother, never felt the warmth and care one would offer to their child when the world becomes far too big and scary to withstand. How can one put a label so precious as that on someone who'd rather not know you--on those few days you saw here she was away each night with friends, out on the town still living the life that created me in the beginning. You learn quickly how to entertain yourself when it's just you sitting on the floor all night with no one around, my sentence to solitary confinement. Over time I envied those moments of peace and serenity all alone in that room when the next man came into this stranger's life. At first it was fine, the usual going out for the night life and me and my thoughts to keep me at peace all night. Soon it was a battle royale from the bedroom to the living room then tearing into the kitchen, disturbing my quiet world in my head with a knife in his hand held to her throat and threats of police. Those fights never ended without her crying asking me why this all happens to her and me standing there in my pajamas that covered your entire body, even your feet, staring at her confused and lost why this stranger would ask me all these questions.

In a family tree that more so looks gnarled and twisted from misuse and neglect you find yourself with many step-brothers/sisters and half-brothers/sisters. These siblings who compete on home field when standing next to their mother or father--gives no room for mercy as you grow up as the bastard child. Every night was another fight about a petty argument that stemmed from one bastard child to another claiming to be loved more. I tasted skin, blood, and bone as a knuckle broke open lips and took out teeth, felt the sharp clean cut glass will make as you are thrown into a window, the cold sharp point of a knife while it rests against your neck, even the hard thud, dry and sandy taste in your mouth as you hit the concrete outside your house after being pushed out of the upstairs window because you wouldn't let this other bastard brother take something away from your bastard sister. It was who we were, the lord of the flies reenacted inside of a house we were told to call a home.

They tell me the older you are the wiser you become and that with age comes knowledge, I've come to believe neither of those are true. Instead the older you are the easier it is to say "It's not my problem." and that with age comes condemnation. When my father stood by me in front of my grandparents trying to give me up these older and "wiser" people they quickly laughed and said I would not be their problem. They watched as my mother went in and out of doors with bruises covering her as if she put them on with her make-up in the morning, as if it was only the latest fashion. On a rainy day I stood at their door attempting to beat it down as my hands froze in the cold of the night to get their attention that once again my mother was a victim of the latest fashion tragedy as her then boyfriend tried to give her a lesson on how to wear here bruises. Cold, wet, and in dire need of a chance to get the hell away from this life I saw as they peeked from their windows of their rooms and proceeded to call the cops, on me. If this is what it means to be wise, then call me a fool till I die.

A first love is called a puppy love, in which it hardly lasts long at all..until it's 4 years later standing next to her as she explains she's seeing a new guy now and that our "puppy love" has now passed by her. I've been told the first love is the hardest to get over, but what about the only love for another person..when after everything the only thing in the end was her that kept you sane. It's not the heartache that brings the pain, instead the realization that surrounds the event. Falling down from the sky while up on cloud nine you only have a brief second to catch a breath and and gain clarity before you crash down back to reality. Maybe it was never as good as it seemed to be, maybe there were lies along the way the entire time, and maybe it isn't worth the effort to know that every person you've been told to love or wanted to love will, in the end, leave. I built a wall from lies, pain, and deceit that stretches far across my heart--a barrier with no doors but mere windows to peer inside.

What I am, who I will be has all been created by this birth into the world that surrounded me. Wounds heal but leave scars for all to see, a constant reminder of who you are and where you've been--what's done with these experiences is entirely up to you. Hard times come and go, leaving scars, pictures, memories for you to deal with, cry over, and learn from. To hide away and sulk or to continue pressing on, do what scares you.



"In my own mind, every time, I find myself far beyond wonderland.."
-Daniel R. Wylde.

Edited by Daniel Wylde, 25 March 2011 - 11:18 PM.

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#39 Wylde Ancient One Supertramp 4061 posts 9.00 XCB

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Posted 06 February 2012 - 11:04 PM

To Sacrifice For What May Be


Life seems to test us all at different times in different ways. To test your worth of what lies deep inside you. Rarely does it come at a time when you are ready but instead finds you while on your knees. Bends you and breaks you forcing to fall onto the dirt with dust in mouth, these times are when we value what we have and shed tears for what we lost. It is these moments when you decide, to be or not to be.

Saturday, January 28th, at around one in the morning my youngest brother, 18, was involved in a serious rollover car accident. They managed to leave the road and turn sideways, flipping eight times until resting on the wheels in a dry river bed roughly 400 feet from when the car left the road. When found he was airlifted to Mercy Medical in Sioux City, IA.

Due to a drunken rant on the misplaced priorities of everyone in a digital age I decided to throw my phone against the wall to 'free myself from a binding society.'...The phone calls were sent that night, over and over again, none to be received. It was Saturday evening while watching a good dose of mind numbing television that a friend next to me on his computer told me I had to call my mom as soon as possible since someone said that on my FaceBook. I used his phone since mine was smashed and called a mother who was hardly understandable from the constant sobbing. When the words hospital and brother connected in my head I raced out the door to drive to her.

It was the longest drive of my life as I couldn't stop shaking from fear and anxiety. When I arrived I found my mother in the hallway to the Intensive Care Unit crying on the phone and instantly my heart dropped. I walked into the room where I saw my brother lie while nurses told me I couldn't be in there, as I stood and stared with drenched eyes the sounds seemed to drown out and it was just me and Tony. I could hear him say sorry before drifting asleep giving me no chance of response.

That moment will haunt many nights but also remind me of a sacrifice I swore that evening. Due to major medical advances Tony did not die that night and with seven days in the ICU, and the scariest moments I ever care to experience again, here we are. He suffered brain trauma that caused swelling and for possible permanent damage to his brain. Even though now he's awake he goes through many struggles, to see him in pain and frustration but not able to voice it.

That evening when I first saw him so small and weak, I swore I would never leave him again and protect him. I've now quit my job and am living in a hotel to be by his side as much as possible. I've taken to reading every bit of info I can to understand what to expect now. I'm sending money towards my mom to help pay costs. Now I sit and wait for test results to tell me where I'm headed. Hospital food and chairs for beds, by his side I'll be.

To find out your worth, life asks to be or not to be. Am I able? Constantly played over and over, we'll find out.
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#40 DarkBlaze557 Retired Administrator :/ 12822 posts 100.00 XCB

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Posted 06 February 2012 - 11:30 PM

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