Ah, thanks guys for the patience and consideration. I can confirm I'm almost fully recovered now. For those that were wondering, I had glandular fever. Seems to have cleared up now, only a few problems remain and they're getting better.
And, with that, let's get to it.
Stomach the MachoPony
Target one face-up monster you control except a DARK Monster: destroy that target and special summon one DARK Monster from your deck with the same level as that target in your graveyard.
Balance & Playability 4/5 - A straight -1, but I see some pretty big plays with cards like Elemental Hero Shadow Mist. Otherwise, you could use this on Gogogo Golem to bring out Gogogo Ghost, or use it on Mezuki and bring out Zombie Master. Either way, I like the interactions.
Wording 1/2 - Well, it's not too wrong.
Relevance 1/3 - Does it really destroy ponies though?
Balance & Playability 0/5 - Think this card is too weak to be honest. Needs better effects.
Relevance 1/3 - Struggling to see how this card represents your chosen rivalry, aside from Sonic the Hedgehog having Beasts.
Balance & Playability 1/5 - Hmm. Both players controlling a Beast really lowers this card's usefulness. The protection is amazing, but you can't really take advantage because your opponent's Beasts are protectedd too. The possible +1500 ATK by the 5th turn was pretty good, but now it's way too situational. Even if you can summon from your opponent's Deck. This card's likely to get destroyed way before then.
Bias 2/3 - I really like the idea of this card, but the activation requirement lets it down hugely.
Relevance 1/3 - The rivalry here is between Knights and Dragons. Yet, the Dragon gains 1000 ATK to defeat everyone with. Not too exclusive. It doesn't need the 1000 ATK to battle the Warrior-Types.
Balance & Playability 0/5 - This would almost never get played. An Equip Spell for starters. 1000 ATK is done before in Axe of Despair. But not all decks are Warrior-Types so the last effect is situational. Only use this card if you happen to be playing Dragons and were considering Axe of Despair.
Bias 2/3 - I like how you took a different stance on what is usually the 'Dragon Slayer'. It's really awesome, I just don't think the card emphasises that enough.
Wording 2/2 - I think it should be "is Normal Summoned, while this card is in your hand or Graveyard: [...] Special Summon this card.", but I'll give you the benefit of doubt cause I'm not too sure myself.
Relevance 2/3 - Pretty clear. Not too sure about including Beast-Warriors though.
Balance & Playability 4/5 - In the right deck, of course this works. No one said it had to be your opponent's Beast. Makes for some nice Xyz plays, and essentially can be done every turn. Having multiple of this card in the Graveyard can be pretty crazy. All you need is a Kinka-Byo to keep returning to your hand so you can make Rank 4 plays all the time.
Relevance 3/3 - Ok so I don't know the rivalry, but having both players activating the effects and choosing them creates a huge back-to-back fighting scene in my head, and it's awesome.
Balance & Playability 2/5 - Eesh, crazy effects though. It's good that the opponent can use the effects too, but I believe you can Set a Field Spell over this one even if you can't activate it. And adding any card to your hand? That's pretty damn good alone.
Bias 3/3 - I'd love to play this in old school Blackwings. Summon Sirocco, and some other Blackwings. Use Sirocco's effect on a field of 4 Blackwings, boost the ATK of one them, then use this card's burn effect for massive damage. And as it's still Main Phase 1, perhaps you could go into Dark Strike Fighter or Nothung to do any remaining damage that needs to be done.
Relevance 3/3 - Hahaha, can't say I expected Plants vs Zombies.
Balance & Playability 2/5 - Hmm. Special Summoning from the Grave is always good, and is especially good with these two types. But waiting until the End Phase is slow. You might have already lost the duel by then, since this card would most likely work best on your opponent's turn.
1st Place: Stomach the MachoPony
2nd Place: TheLaughingMan-JDS, storyteller
3rd Place: Exarion
Congratulations, Stomach! Looks like you shrugged off EeL's card pretty well.